#and i remember having a full on breakdown once it was all said and done. so that's fun.

[stellastarcrash]

#64 was really good, but god damn it made me miss Tangle and Silver.

[rainwaterapothecary]

Luis Serra built a radiotherapy machine in a cave in Spain and I think I can prove it. (Long post warning!)

So I’m minding my own business, sanding a door, when all of a sudden the re4 lore video I have playing hits me with:

“The only way to survive infection is to rid the creature via radiation therapy.”

Snake Meal then went on to say that Leon “used Luis’ equipment to destroy the Plaga within Ashley and himself.”

…So wait a minute, did Luis build a radiation therapy machine in the middle of noplace with Saddler breathing down his neck?

Well shit, he did.

Let’s talk about that.

Quick Preface:

-My knowledge before researching came solely from Plainly Difficult’s YouTube breakdowns of when these machines go wrong, so I’m kind of reverse-engineering ft. Google. I am so far from being an expert it’s laughable.

-I’m narrowing down my search to 2004 and before, preferably 2002 or so. The game takes place in 2004 and Luis was kidnapped by the cult before then, so I’m gonna say he hasn’t had a chance to pick up a scientific journal in a while.

-There’s some info I’ve cut from this post because it read more like a scientific paper but if y'all want any of the dry stuff I can post the full paper on Google Docs or something.

Now, let the research breakdown commence!

Going into this I knew of radiation machines, but they were always the ones that rotated around the subject, like this one:

Turns out, there’s at least one type of radiotherapy machine that fits roughly what Luis had built and it was first built in 1991.

It’s called a Cyberknife, and this is what it looks like:

Consider me intrigued.

“CyberKnife is a small compact linear accelerator mounted on a robotic arm that moves around the person to give radiation from many different directions. Computers track a person’s position and movement. If a person moves slightly, the robotic system can adjust by repositioning before the beam of radiation is delivered.“ (cancer.ca)

TL;DR- The arm moves around the patient from different directions while a computer tells it where to shoot.

Luis really said ‘anything you can do I can do x3, under budget, and without internet’. His machine even sounds like the Cyberknife, it’s great.

The ability of both machines (Luis’ and C.K.) to ‘track’ the tumor/Plaga is interesting since it follows something called ‘Image-Guided Radiation Therapy (IGRT)’ which didn’t come into popular use until 2004.

Remember why 2004 was important but discounted from my research?

Because Luis was already on the damn island by then.

Luis either took this concept he’d seen in passing and built it, or he came up with the idea completely on his own, conceptualized it, and then built a working model in the middle of nowhere, Spain with a cult breathing down his neck.

In the same year scientists on the outside (where they can collaborate and consult other people in their fields) were able to build and release such a thing.

This, however, is one of the first places Luis’ machine differs from ‘official’ radiotherapy machines -

His imaging.

Here’s his screen:

Most radiotherapy machines these days use MRI or CT scans for imaging (and Cyberknife uses X-rays).

But that’s not what his screen looks like. MRI/CT scans are too clean.

You know what his screen looks like to me though?

It looks like an ultrasound. His screen has the little gray motion lines that waver as the machine searches around for the Plaga inside of Ashley.

^See? The gray lines move around and the Plaga moves around.

This is fascinating to me since CT/MRI/X-Rays all take ‘slices’ or ‘snapshots’ of the body. You have to hold really still when they are taken.

You know what doesn’t hold still when getting imaging done?

Babies. And babies are seen using ultrasounds.

I think he utilized some form of ultrasound technology beneath/inside the chair itself to ping upward and get images of the Plaga as it moves.

Then the algorithms begin to track the Plaga once the ultrasound has brought it into view, the beams ‘lock on’, and fire radiation into the Plaga (and the poor fuckers between the radiation and the Plaga).

In some other post we can unpack the fact that apparently Luis has enough mathematical and programing know-how to build tracking algorithmns from the ground up. Mechanics? Check. Maths? Check. Programming? Jesus Christ my dude, Mensa is about to pull you over for speeding.

…And yes, I know ultrasounds are touchy and shouldn’t work with that much air between it and whatever it’s imaging, but I’m giving it the ‘sci-fi rule’: it looks like it works, so it works. This will not be the only time I invoke this rule.

Now his robotic arms.

The Cyberknife has just the one, but it has similar flexibility:

Thus it would make sense for two of the arms on Luis’ machine to be for imaging like the Cyberknife:

But as we see from his display, they’re not.

All three of them are for firing radiation. When the circles all overlap, the system will fire. Luis wasn’t taking any chances with this shit. He’s hitting it fast and hitting it hard. (This will come into play later.)

Next up is his chair. Granted, the chair looks a lot more utilitarian (and sci-fi catchall) from other angles, but the very first time we see his chair it looks like this:

Following the concept that his lab is filled with things that are just a little to the left of what he needs, I would say that this looks like a surgical ‘beach chair’:

They’re meant to hold a person still while operating on an arm or shoulder. His chair looks like it has space for arm and head restraints, and the bottom of the leg rest flips up to hold the feet in place.

Et voila:

I think I’m onto something.

I also think he has a LINAC machine hidden somewhere in his lab. (We are now entering the 'way above my paygrade’ segment.)

A  “LINear ACcelerator uses microwave technology to accelerate electrons then allows these electrons to collide with a heavy metal target to produce high-energy x-rays.” (radiologyinfo.org)

TL;DR - it makes radiation go brrrr so it can be shot into things

How he got one or where it’s stored are completely beyond me, since if he had gotten one by just asking for it, he would have had to answer a lot of questions that the cult (that WORSHIPS the things he’s destroying) wouldn’t be very happy with the answer to… but he wouldn’t have to hide it.

However, I don’t see one when looking around his chair.

I DO, however, see a bunch of machines that could easily be hiding one.

(Sci-fi logic says ‘what if he built one!!!!’ and imma be real with you chief, I don’t think he has the space to build a nuclear accelerator from the ground up. Hiding one though, that I’ll believe.)

It would have had to be a relatively big object since the microchip-sized LINACs weren’t conceptualized until 2015 and were only built successfully in 2023:

^Very cool. Very small. Very not possible in 2004. :'(

However, here is the rough size of different radiotherapy machines available on the market from 1956:

1972:

And on the Cyberknife cir. 2019, just because that’s the model I’ve been referencing:

So while there are some LINAC machines that are ~3 km long, the ones used on radiotherapy machines aren’t super big. They're not microchip-size, but anything the size of a washing machine would suffice to mask this thing.

I think he could safely be hiding it somewhere physically nearby to where the robot arms come from before dividing its blast into three high-energy beams.

Which leads me to my final big difference between Luis’ machine and any market-available models:

The possibility of pain. (Told you it would be important later.)

My research says that radiation therapy shouldn’t hurt, even if sometimes local anesthesia is applied to the site before starting the treatment. (Location of treatment, type of cancer, etc.)(Sources are linked below!)

However, when radiology machines malfunction (which is rare!!! I only know of three (3) instances where a machine fucked up out of the decades we’ve been using this technology) they leave behind radiation burns and stabbing pains.

Which, ow.

But Ashley was in instant, screaming agony. Granted, I’m not sure if that was from radiation or from the Plaga embedded into her nervous system, but his machine applied three streams of radiation where traditional devices use one. Her treatment time was around 21 seconds total while traditional treatments take at least a few minutes per dose.

Personally I’m inclined to believe that it was the Plaga causing her pain, due to her scream not changing at any point (thus illustrating the source of her pain not changing from radiation to Plaga.) Even if it was a quick jolt of burning from the machine, switching over to the pain of a parasite hijacking her every nerve ending at once, there would have been some change (in my experience with chronic pain, at least).

But it can’t be ruled out. Ashley was in agony and a traditional machine would not have that effect on a patient.

At least if you’re paralyzed with pain you don’t have to worry about being held in place so the machine can do its job? Silver lining?

Sci-fi logic, my friends. Sci-fi logic.

In closing, Luis Sera MacGyver Navarro created a radiation device that not only functioned as he needed it to, but it could work repeatedly without a massive cooldown time in between uses or internal errors when operated by two amateurs who had no idea what they were doing.

And he made it out of the mechanical equivalent of paperclips, bubblegum, and the particle accelerator he’s hiding in a closet.

Sources:

Radiotherapy explanations/descriptions/history - [Siemens][MSK Cancer Center][Wikipedia][MD Anderson][Virginia Radiation][Canadian Cancer Society][National Cancer Institute][Standford Healthcare]

Surgical 'beach chair' - [hillrom.com][davidscottco.com][arthrex.com][Anesthesia Patient Safety Foundation]

Linac info/images/articles - [Space.Com][RadiologyInfo.Org][Wikipedia][Google]

RE4R Youtube Videos - ["The LORE of ALL Resident Evil 4 Enemies" uploaded by Snake Meal][Plaga removal cutscene uploaded by CrispyBenoit]

Cyberknife Youtube Videos - ["How Cyberknife Works" uploaded by Mt. Miriam Cancer Hospital]["CyberKnife® Robotic Radiosurgery System Demonstration" uploaded by ThedaCare]

Ultrasound, MRI, CT images/info - [sciencedirect.com][Mt. Auburn OB/GYN][Desert Imaging]

[weapon-xox]

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PART 2 OF LOHAN MEETING THE X-MEN (maybe Logan and Wade end up joining so that Mary puppins can love in a mansion like she deserves or they don't whatever you want 😍)

so this turned into a lot of magneto and i didnt mean for it to but it just happened 💀 ill apologize again for the pacing, its not my strong suit, but please enjoy! 💕

Part 2 of Logan meets the X-Men!

It's been months now since Logan and Wade first showed up to the X-Mansion.

Logan wasn't sure why they kept going. In all honesty, Magneto really had Logan stressed out, and he was finding himself angry at Charles for keeping him around. He'd have to remind himself that, maybe this timelines Logan knew about this "partnership", and maybe he was okay with the arrangement, but the worst Wolverine was not.

...Unless he could be convinced otherwise, and Wade was trying his absolute hardest to get Logan on board. Dragging him along on trips to the school that Wade never used to make before, unless dragged there by Colossus, and if Logan didn't know any better he'd think Wade was trying to get Magnetos approval.

Doesn't he know how he can hurt me? Logan would think to himself, and Wade would just look at him and smile excitedly, unknowingly, excited to even be near one of his... Heros? Is that what Erik was to him? It left a sour taste in Logans mouth.

At some point during their visits, Logan couldn't exactly remember when it happened, they'd started joining the X-Men on missions. Just small ones, no giant robots or evil masterminds, just regular superhero joe things like stopping a robbery, or helping little old ladies across the street.

Not actually, it's just what it felt like to Wade.

The Wolverine had to admit, aside from the missions he defenitely didn't want to be apart of, but went along for Wades sake and to keep an eye on him, it's been nice. Seeing the faces of his old friends, who he'd once considered family and still mostly, but it was hard for him to not feel disconnected from the whole thing. The pair would only see the X-Men at least once a week for these missions, or if there wasn't one then just for a visit, on Wades behalf.

It was disorienting. Logan had told the merc that, one night in bed, Wades nose tucked into the crevice of a perfectly hairy and smelly armpit while a leg was tangeled between two muscular and equally as furry ones.

"What is?" Wade muttered sheepishly, unwilling to pull his face away from the comforting heat and smell of Logans body.

"This whole X-Men thing, bub. I don't like it. Goin' to the school, goin' on childrens missions. Comin' back home and havin' to dread goin' back every goddamn week. Doin' a quick mission, then coming back home to... This," meaning domestication. Without missing a beat, lifting his head enough to look Logan in the eye, he said,

"Why don't we just move in?"

And so they did. It was hard on everyone. Charles was kind, offered them a room, or seperate rooms, but Wade insisted on sharing. Logan was thankful. Wade had also talked a lot about Althea to Charles and Magneto, one of two acting as if he hadn't been listening to Wades ramblings all along but actually, it had been Erik who suggested moving Al into the school. Even Charles looked shocked, and Wade actually broke down crying because "he DOES care!"

And although the initial idea of moving into the school was Wades idea, the move had been the hardest on him. Wade and change did not mix well, uprooting all of his things and his way of living because, lets be honest, moving into the school meant Wade would have to be on his best behavior. Change certain aspects of himself, and that had Wade in a spiral of angry outbursts, which turned into a full on mental breakdown. Then he'd be manic, happy to "move out of this shithole" and "give our sweet, darling daughter (Mary Puppins) the life she deserves. That mansion is hers and no one can tell her otherwise."

After all was said and done, Logan and his new found family moved into the mansion, it... Actually did feel a little better.

Everyone loved Mary Puppins. She was disgusting, and putrid, but the students adored her. Snuck her treats or parts of their meals under the table, took her outside to the nice big yard for her to play. Wade always had an hawks eye on her but otherwise, she was loved and taken care of.

The teachers and some of the older students liked to gather around Althea to listen to her talk. She had a lot of stories, most ending in cocaine, but she managed to change the narrative to be a little more school friendly. Even Magneto would hang around, arms crossed and leaned against a wall, silent but always listening. He took a liking to Al, and sometimes Logan would see him guiding her through the large, winding halls, Al on his arm in a sly attempt to cop a feel, but their conversations sounded pleasant enough.

Logan didn't sense any ill intention, so he never kicked up a fuss. It also helped that Logan had walked in on Magneto one time before one of his classes, standing in front of the danger room. His cape was scooped up and tangled inside of the silky warmth had been miss Mary herself. She looked blissed out, gnarly tongue hung over the side of her maw and drooling all over him, eyes closed, Magneto whispering to her sweetly. As soon as he'd seen Logan he cleared his throat, stopped his sweet nothings, but never put Mary down until class had begun.

Logan ended up joining him for the class. They fought a good battle, their team (the students) had all worked well together, and afterwards Logan had met up with Wade and shoved him into their bedroom with a low growl, pumped full of adrenaline, and that's when Logan decided he really needed to be an X-Man again.

More months went on. Logan and Magneto, as it turns out, work really fucking well together. Logan had always let his old team use his body as a weapon, free to throw him where they needed to be, to claw and destroy, because he knew they still respected him as a person. But when Erik had suggested it the first time, Logan had been angry.

I knew there was an ulterior motive. He'll take control and destroy me, hurt me, and that will be it.

But Wade, bloodied and panting from battle, urged Logan to just let him do it. That Erik had given them no reason to not trust him, and Logan trusted Wade most, so he reluctantly agreed.

And it became a thing. A really useful thing, actually, and after every battle Magneto and Logan would look at each other, chests heaving and something powerful glimmering in their eyes with understanding. Wade would have been jealous if he wasn't always on the receiving end of Logans "affections", his way of relaxing after a good fight, to come down from the high of a victory.

For genuinely probably the first time since Wade and Logan had come around, Wade leaned over the counter in the kitchen in a pair of Wolverine boxers and an oversized flannel (courtesy of his honey badger) while munching groggily on a piece of toast, Magneto spoke to him.

"Mister Wilson, I- Oh. Please, put some clothes on." Wade looked down at himself with a bare, arched brow, then back at Magneto who just shook his head.

"Anyway," he drawled slowly, eyes averted from Wades body. "I want to... Thank you, for bringing Logan back to us. For being here with him. Having not only one, but two, nearly immortal-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, tall, dark and intense. Don't you dare thank us for being your weapons, especially not Logan." Magneto shut his mouth, and Wade stood up straight, discarding his toast to the napkin he'd been using as a plate.

"He isn't your weapon. You better not even dare think of him that way, because no matter how much I want to climb inside of you," Erik made a disgusted face. "I won't hesistate to kill you for using him. We're here for him, not for me, not for you, or any of these losers.

"I know he needed this. To be an X-Man again, because it's what he knows. He's good at helping people, at killing, being a fucking animal. He deserves to have this, to let loose, and a team that loves him, but that's what this is- a team. Not 'let's throw Logan like a six point dart at our target and be done with him.' He feels a lot of guilt from his world that he just can't let go of. If you want to thank anyone, thank him, because it really was hell to get him here and I know it's taking a toll on that gorgeous head of his more and more everyday that he has to be around the people he feels he abandonded and got killed."

Wade left it at that with a sickingly sweet kiss to Eriks cheek, toast long forgotten on the counter as he left to find Logan, suddenly needing to hold his princess in his arms and tell him that everything would be alright.

Magneto stood in silence, stunned, took in every word Wade had said and flipped it over again and again in his brain, trying to make sense of it all, and when he finally did he nodded to himself with a new type of vigor.

He'd thank Logan, later. And Wade too, for real this time. Maybe he had been a tad insensitive, and if Logan noticed he hadn't said anything. Maybe Wade was just observant. But the Wolverine was just as much a team member as the rest of them, a part of their family, and Wade too. Not just weapons to use at their disposal just because they couldn't really die. If Erik wanted to gain their trust- Logans trust, to have him fully accept him as one of their own and understand his intentions were nothing but good, that he was trying so hard to be good, he'd just have to try harder.

And for Charles, Magneto was willing to do whatever it takes.

[frogwithgun]

I'm backkkkkk!

Mental health has been at an all time low! Yay!

But we thug it out fr 💪🏻

Anyways he's some satosugu!

------------------

Geto stares at his phone in excitement. Rare where the days when Gojo could have days off. Even rarer were the days when they could spend those days off alone together.

So he was ecstatic when Gojo decided to take him on a date.

Even more so when he realized what he was doing.

Recreating their first date.

---------------------

2006

A younger Geto and Gojo are talking to each other happily. With Gojo being still for once. And Geto who could not stop fidigiting. God he felt so, different. Usually it was Gojo who was constantly moving. But he found himself playing with his bangs over and over.

Fixing his selves. Fixing his pants. God he couldn't stop. And meanwhile Gojo was preventing himself from making any dumb jokes.

-----------------------

Present day

"You remember this theater? God those workers were so done with us." Gojo laughed and Geto nodded. A happy smile on his face. He could almost see a ghost version of the both of them. Both bright red and smiling at each other.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure she just wanted to go home." Geto said. Gojo smiled and kissed him on the check. "She just couldn't handle being so single and seeing us so happy."

Geto rolled his eyes and Gojo gave a small lovestruck smile.

-------------------

2006

"Ok so she was definitely judging us, right?" Gojo asked. Geto nodded and moved his bangs out of the way. "Oh for sure. I mean, just because she's unhappy doesn't mean we should be." Gojo cackled and nodded. "Exactly."

Hand in hand they walked to get some popcorn. And an obscene amount of candy. Courtesy of Gojo and his sweet tooth.

Geto may have been silently judging him for not getting any sour candies.

-----------------------------

Present day

Geto sighed and crossed his arms. "Really Satoru?" The white haired man looked down at his arms full of multiple kinds of candy. "You're right." Geto smiled thinking he was going to put it away. "I should get more!" "No."

Geto swears that sometimes it's like dating a child. But he loves the man nonetheless. So he just smiles and rolls his eyes as Gojo pouts and attempts to convince him. "Still no, Satoru." He groans loudly and puts the candies back.

"Just say you want a divorce at this point." He mutters. "What was that?" "Nothing!"

------------------------

2006

As the date went on they got more comfortable. To the dismay of everyone else.

They were sat in the dark theater eyes glued to the screen and watching the movie with fascination. At least, Geto was. Gojo was to busy staring at Geto to even care about the movie.

"You're so pretty Suguru." Geto looked over at Gojo with a look of slight surprise. Then he smiled and looked away. "Noooo." Whined Gojo. "I want to see your eyes." Geto blushed and looked back at him. And Gojo happily smiled.

And everyone else in the theater didn't dare say anything. Not wanting to deal with the arrogant teen.

Besides they already tried. Gojo just ignored them.

-----------------------

Present day

The movie was almost exactly as Geto remembered it. He just couldn't remember if that plot twist had really happened the first time. Gojo on th other had didn't remember the movie at all. Still to focused on Geto to remember.

Geto sighed and looked at Gojo. Just like the first time. He thought to himself. But he didn't mind. He rather liked it. "Pay attention to the movie Satoru." He whispered. Gojo smiled and shrugged. "Nah, I think I'm good."

Some things just never change. No matter how many years pass.

--------------------

Ok! I am so sorry it took me so long to get another story out. I have really been on the brink of mental breakdowns tbh. But it's ok! We are back baby!

Hope you enjoy this while I keep on revising part three of that modern AU

As always love you guys! 💚

[damagedintellect]

Dazai Osamu x reader

💌 Reading into the palms of isekai bullshit:��

Chapter 1  💌  

Summary:   You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. You clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again but when you opened your eyes and saw Dazai O-FUCKING-samu getting choked by Kunikida you honestly hoped it was a dream.

Notes: Another isekai so I can play around with BSD like dolls.

💌 Word count: 3,312 💌  You Are Here | Next Chapter =>

"Nooooooo!” you screamed, throwing your phone down. Today was the day the new Bungo Stray Dogs chapter was supposed to be posted. It was but you weren’t happy about it. You finished reading it in record speed since they left both of your favorite characters in a pretty heavy cliffhanger only to shift the perspective to someone else. It wasn’t a bad chapter, you just didn’t like the idea that you’d now have to wait another month. You sighed falling back on to your bed. The waiting was nothing new but your brain wanted more. More adventures, more side stories, heck at this point you might as well reread the damn thing. You’ve been scrolling through tumblr reading as many plot analysis and character breakdowns to the point where you feel like you know everyone like the back of your hand. Everyone feels so real to you like you’ve known them all your life, almost like in another life you were all friends or maybe you were a part of the agency. You laughed to yourself as you picked your phone back up. The rain outside would be nice ambient noise to start the manga over once again. 

You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. The soft pitter patter of the rain brought you back from your thoughts as you clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again. 

—

“Dazai I swear if this was one of your planed double suicides I’m going to kill you!” a voice rang out. You could still feel the cold sensations of floating in water. What were you doing a moment ago and why did those voices sound familiar to you? The last thing you remember was starting over your beloved manga from chapter 1. You didn’t leave the house and none of your friends had keys to get in. Why were there people in your bedroom and why do you feel cold and wet? 

“I assure you if it was, me and this lovely lady would already be dead but unfortunately Atsushi here ruined that miracle for me.”

You choked, it finally hit you. You did, in fact, recognize those voices “D-Dazai?” When your vision came too you were in Atsushi’s lap as Kunikida was shaking his partner. This couldn’t be real. No this had to be a dream. Dammit you could see it now, once you woke up you were going to write another Stray Dogs isekai. You internally groaned. What have you done?

“Ah so sleeping beauty’s awake!” Dazai tapped the blonde’s wrist to get his attention. “Kunikida as a gentleman you should ask her if she’s alright and stop strangling me.” 

Reluctantly the blonde did as he was told and let go, gracefully kneeling in front of you “Are you alright my colleague said you were floating in the river?” his eyes were full of concern. It made a warm feeling bloom throughout your body. Honestly you could get used to this. Wait, did he just say you were floating in the river?

You looked dazed, glancing around to see the familiar riverbank that Atsushi starts at during the very beginning of Bungo Stray Dogs. You looked at your hands. You were still wearing the same clothes you had before you remember falling asleep, admittedly they were much soggier than you remember but you had no memory of how you ended up in the river. Just from the small scene in front of you this was how episode 1 started. If you played along maybe you’d eventually wake up. You’ve had lucid dreams before, it wasn’t too far fetched but the ache in your heart didn’t want you to wake up. Finally you looked up at Kunikida who was patiently waiting for your answer but before you could respond your stomach growled. How embarrassing, now it really was like how the episode played out.

Dazai keeled over laughing “I guess introductions can wait till we get something to eat, how about that?” He offered you a hand over his partner's shoulder to help you up. You snapped out of your haze staring at it a moment before you grabbed his hand and said “I think that’s for the best.” 

What have you gotten yourself into?

At dinner Atsushi spent no time at all stuffing his face as Kunikida and Dazai bantered back and forth. Dialogue you remembered from when you watched the show originally. You forgot how furious Kunikida was over the whole ordeal and you felt bad knowing what Atsushi was going to say next. He really needed a hug and you know what you can finally do that with your circumstances but maybe not right now.

“I came to Yokohama straight from the orphanage. I’ve had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep since. I thought I’d starve to death.”

“You came from an orphanage?” Dazai questioned. He was sitting across from you casually and despite being hungry you noticed that he didn’t order anything to eat. You had ordered one out of solidarity. You’ve always wanted to try tea on rice but never bothered trying to find a place that makes it in your area. Atsushi was already on his twelfth bowl or so as he continued the conversation. 

“I was yes but they kicked me out.”

“Sounds like a real philanthropic organization.” Dazai turned his attention from Atsushi to you “How about you? Remember anything now?” He rested his head on the back of his hands. You wanted to hold them.

You nodded looking down at your hands. That’s when you got an idea. “I think my name is (Y/N), (Y/N) (L/N). Still trying to work out how I got in the river but,” you paused raising your hands to your face slightly. Your mom had read tons of books about palm reading. Maybe this could be your chance to use what little knowledge you remember to your advantage. “I don’t know this might sound silly but do you mind if I see your hands?”

Dazai tilted his head to the side before he offered you his palms “What brought this on?” You pretended to inspect the lines ghosting over them with your fingers tracing some of them lightly. “When I looked at my hands I had this voice in my head that told me that I could read palms. Mine were kind of fuzzy so I wanted to see if I could read someone else’s” You pretend to see flashbacks, blinking and tensing up for added effect. He played along, chuckling to himself “Well what do you see?”

You forced a careful expression on your face slowly sparing him a glance “A lot you’d rather I not say out loud.” You move to hold his hands in yours giving him a loving squeeze and smile “Odasaku would be proud of you though.” The look he gave you was sharp, his lips in a tight line hearing the name. Before either of you could really finish the exchange Kunikida piped up.

“Dazai we’re not a couple of do good-ers going around helping hard luck cases. We’ve got a job to do.” Kunikida nudged the other with his book. He clearly didn't believe in your charade. You could fix that “Actually I have a feeling I might be able to help with your case if you let me see your hands too.” He gave you a wary look as you made grabby hands at him “Please I swear I’ll explain once I see everyone’s hands.” Dazai gave him a cautious expression but Kunikida gave in. Probably to get it over with so he could go back to work. This time you didn’t try to trace patterns on his palm like you did to Dazai. “Wow, I’ve never seen someone so traumatized by the color blue before.” as he made a choked noise, you turned to Atsushi. “Okay your turn.”

“Do I have too?” 

“Yes, otherwise I’ll be missing a piece of the puzzle and Kunikida and Dazai might think I'm a threat." Atsushi slowly presented them to you. "You see, they're with the Armed Detective Agency and currently they're looking for a white tiger. You know the one that's been "chasing" you." You said "chasing" in air quotes letting go of his hands to do the gesture making sure to give a nod to Dazai about the tiger thing.

In Atsushi’s panic he knocked over his chair and a couple of bowls as he tried to crawl away. You watched the scene play out as Kunikida pinned him to the floor and the interrogation started. You sat patiently as Atsushi was then asked if he was free to be bait. Dazai hadn't taken his eyes off of you letting Kunikida handle Atsushi. Maybe you did go too heavy handed into this.

“Forget it no way!”

You tried to ignore Dazai's gaze and laughed at Atsushi’s outburst trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t know Atsushi. If it’s after you I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to get it off your back for good. What if I tagged along? Strength in numbers right?” He stood up and defended himself “That doesn’t make it better! I’m not doing this okay. I know what you’re thinking, you’re planning to use me as bait-”

“There’s a reward you know.”

From there Atsushi’s fate was sealed and you all made your way over to the warehouse. You waited around for hours, everyone keeping to themselves. You spent the time trying to plan out how you'd explain yourself to Dazai. You could still feel his cautious gaze on you despite him reading his book. You’ve always wanted his attention but not like this. You especially didn't want to be on his shit list. As soon as Atsushi opened his mouth you sighed in relief.

 Finally, it's showtime.

 It’s not like you’d actually be of any help, you just needed to make sure you didn’t die or get in the way. “Guess that’s my cue to leave, I’ll go find Kunikida and the others.” Dazai only smirked and continued to monologue to Atsushi who would not remember the speech later. You casually strode out of the warehouse seeing the others already surrounding the building, hearing the ruckus inside. You didn’t speak, only waved them in as you made your way back to Dazai seeing that the dust had already settled and Atsushi was already on the ground. After everyone else got to take a jab at him the brunette finally spoke.

“I’ve already made my decision. We’re going to make them one of us.” Dazai’s stare made you freeze up. It makes sense to you, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Not that you were his enemy but you've already proven you don't have an ability. Your little trick worked on him so you weren't gifted and that probably was the worse part. He doesn't know what your intentions are nor what the extent of your talents were and he couldn’t nullify you even if he tried. He was probably evaluating your level of threat to him, the agency or both.

His eyes were staring into your soul. It was so alluring but you couldn't help the fear that was settling in knowing what he was capable of. Well part of it was fear and part of it was intrigue. Why did he have to also be so damn attractive. Your face felt hot but you couldn't look away. You dug your grave now you'd have to lay in it. The whole way back to the dormitory he was guiding you from the small of your back. In any other circumstance the presence of his hand on such a place would have you swooning because that is peak protective boyfriend behavior but instead it was almost threatening like he was trying to make sure you couldn’t run away. However another part of your brain, the demented part, was screaming louder than any of the other voices in your head because it finally hit you that holy shit they were here. This all felt so real and you were playing with fire. 

You made sure to keep up with what was happening, keeping your emotions in check enough to make sure your face or your body language didn’t give anything away. You and Atsushi were given some spare clothes and a cell phone. They only had one room available right now since the other one was being used as storage. They would have it cleared in a day or two. Atsushi tried to give the available one to you but Dazai stepped in and assured him that he'd personally see to it that you were taken care of. Kunikida was actually surprised that Dazai was willing to put in some level of work settling the accommodations. Little does he know what the brunette had in mind. It sent shivers down your spine for all the wrong reasons. When everything was settled Dazai opened the door to his apartment gesturing for you to go inside.

Once you stepped in you took off the shoes the agency just gave you. You had almost forgotten that when you woke up at the river, just like Atsushi, you didn't have any shoes on. No one questioned your strange attire either but you guess after everything they’ve seen it wasn’t the weirdest thing they’ve experienced in their lifetimes. Standing at the doorway to the small room you were waiting for Dazai to direct you where to set your new things down. His futon was still spread out on the floor and the table near its side still had the slight mess of empty bottles and cans. Once you heard the sound of the door’s lock you swallowed hard unintentionally snapping you back to the gravity of the situation. You were alone in a room with ex demon prodigy, Osamu Dazai. 

"You can put that over in the corner." His voice rang in your ear. He was looming over you. He didn't even make a sound crossing the room; he just appeared behind you in a second. You did as you were told, trying to calm down your increasing heart rate. You knelt down to set it on the floor but as you stood back up you staggered back against the wall with Dazai towering over you again.

"You want to tell me who you really are?" He smiled carefree as if he wasn't using his height to corner you. You took a breath relaxing against the wall. His hands were behind his back yet you felt trapped. "I don't work for anyone if that's what you're getting at. I didn't lie about who I was earlier but I didn't need you to show me your hands. Technically I already saw it when you offered to help me up, that is, your past with the port mafia. I genuinely didn't know that was something I could do. That's why I asked to see your palms a second time, it didn’t sit right with me. That's why I asked for you to willingly give me your hands. I'm sorry I brought up oda but it was either him or the hot redhead you call hat rack." You gave him a knowing look that you made the right choice of who to name drop.

He grimaced when you called Chuuya hot. It seemed mentioning him caused him to lose all hostility in his demeanor. Interesting. He must believe you then. "So what do you know?" Dazai seemed to relax enough to sit on the futon. You followed after him since the tension dispersed. "Well since this bit," you moved to grab his hand to point out the part of his palm "is covered in bandages. I only know generally how you met Mori to the present day. I don’t know everything, just little blips here and there that were significant. I didn't look at Kunikida for that long but the Azure king popped up and I knew Atsushi was the tiger all along. Although it wasn't my place to get involved the way I did. Again I apologize." You caressed his hand with your thumb. He was watching you like a hawk. You were looking down thinking if there was anything else you should mention. Hopefully this was enough.

He hummed taking it in for a second before he pulled your arm while pushing your shoulder back, pinning you underneath him. "Are you scared of me? Knowing what I've done." He smirked playfully but his eyes were serious. If he wanted to play games you knew how to combat him. Or at least you think this would be an adequate counter to whatever he was doing now. You smiled "Quite the opposite. I trust you with every fiber of my being." Your words caused his eyes to dilate and his body to tense before he situated himself to further hover over your shorter frame. "Really now, even like this?" His expression dripped with lust as he dipped to whisper in your ear "I could have my way with you if I wanted." An empty threat clearly.

"You definitely could but you won't." You said it so matter of factly he shifted to look at you again. You used your freehand to caress his cheek giving him a soft smile "You have my unconditional trust. The position we're in changes nothing, ya womanizer." The source material never went into detail about Dazai’s past relationships. Only that he’s made women cry and that Chuuya knew of every single last one of them but he’s done his fair share of over the top flirting throughout the series. You just had to steel your nerves and out bluff the conman.

"Does it now?" He hummed giving you a mischievous grin as his hand delicately released its grip on yours sliding down to your wrist. His fingers pressing into your skin trying to find your pulse. Your eyes widened as you realized what he was doing. Your demeanor broke as you squirm underneath him. It was too late, you could see the pleased expression grace his features "Someone should be a little more honest with themselves." He leaned in making your noses touch. You could feel his hot breath on your lips before he pulled away. "Buuuuut you're right, I won't." He abruptly broke the trance you were in sitting up releasing his hold on you making you feel breathless. Your heart was still racing. Curse this attractive waste of bandages. 

"You can take the room! I'll be off to-" He started off cheerily but you reached out to grab his arm. "Nope. As gentlemanly as you are, you can't fool me. Don't flatter yourself. Yes, I find you attractive but I'm not that desperate. Just stay, we’re both adults." You pretended to gasp covering your mouth "Or are you running away because you're all hot and bothered?" You gave him a smirk waiting to see how he’d react. Two could play at this game. He frowned slightly at your challenge. You knew his signature move was running away from every uncomfortable moment he’s caused but if he backed down from your challenge now you'd win and Dazai doesn’t like to lose. So you shared the futon and you slept with Osamu Dazai.

[dolphingirl1234]

welcome to the first headcanons post in what will hopefully become a series unless my brain randomly decides to hyperfocus on something else

starting off with our favourite traumatised polar bear...

IT'S CAPTAIN BARNACLES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!! 📣✨‼️

please enjoy my shitty picrew human version of him

gonna be honest I hate this one he looks like my dad when he was like 12

imagine him looking like this but way older

anyway headcanons:

30-mid/late 30's

idk if there's a name for this one but is sexually attracted to females but romantically attracted to males

has never dated because of this and has no desire to

he/him

he was the last of the crew to actually recognise his sexuality

everyone came out to him and he was like inwardly homophobic because of the way he had been brought up, but made a notebook full of everyone's pronouns and stuff so he could remember, and never did/said anything homophobic to anyone else - kinda like Imogen in heartstopper yk

dark brown hair that's kinda going grey on the sides

grey eyes

always has eye bags because our boy does not sleep

he's not that strict on uniform - there are random clothes that tweak plonked the octonauts logo onto and that's what is considered uniform; everyone is allowed to wear whatever they want as long as its appropriate and has the logo on it somewhere.

basically always wears the same thing because the entire world will fall apart without his routine

played candy crush once in an ad and loved it

he secretly plays it on the web bc he can't admit to himself that he likes it enough to actually download it

everyone has called him dad at least once

gets fathers day cards from everyone every year

^^ has cried from this on multiple occasions

doesn't get sick often but when he does he is SICK. the second he wakes up his face is grey and pale and he physically cannot speak without coughing

peso makes him go to bed and when he eventually agrees he sleeps for like 2 days straight and is then immediately better

he tells kwazii off for being reckless but he's done some pretty dumb shit himself

will sacrifice himself for anyone and anything (has been told off about this many times and still continues to do it)

he and inkling are the only people in the crew who like dark chocolate

absolutely despises anything sour

his pain tolerance is very high

likes mint and will casually go to the garden pod and eat it raw

has claustrophobia (canon)

also has emetophobia (look it up) because I like projecting

once you've looked up emetophobia come back and read the next one:

when he was a cub and was learning to catch and eat fish he threw up after eating one particular fish and every time he sees it in the sea he will literally hold his breath and run away

he's actually very good at modern lingo and memes but does not understand for the life of him what a skibidi toilet is

sees peso as his son and will literally protect him with his life

other crew members have various mental health struggles and barnacles is genuinely so proud of them when they do anything that's hard for them even if its just surviving the day its so cute

he hasn't experienced the things the others go through but he has so much empathy and pride for them its insane

gives the best bear hugs and when he gets sad all he wants is cuddles but he's too scared to ask anyone

natquik and kwazii are the only people who have seen him have a full breakdown

if you've had a bad day he's your guy he will pick you up and cradle you like a baby no problem

on his birthday he literally gives zero fucks about presents but is insistent on getting/making really goof presents for everyone else

he has the deepest voice ever. and he's not terrible at singing either but he never sings. ever.

the accordion secretly pisses him off as well and he just keeps playing it because it's an ongoing joke and he doesn't want to ruin it

his paws are MASSIVE.

that's all for now I hope you enjoyed your exclusive look at Zoe's Headcanons TM I probably forgot some so you might get some more later 👀

[megsironthrone]

Best Friends in Vegas

Based on this request: Oooh! Could I ask for a full one-shot based on the accidentally married Jaime drabble you wrote for the mystery drabbles?!

Here you are! You can find the drabble this is inspired by here. Familiar characters are NEVER mine!

Warnings: Modern AU, Accidentally Married Trope, mentions of drunkenness and the after effects. teeny angst if you squint and a bit of fluff.

Pairings/Characters: Jaime Lannister x reader

You and Jaime had been the best of friends for longer than either of you could remember. So when you suggested that the two of you take a trip to Vegas, Jaime agreed with absolutely no hesitation. He had no idea that this trip would change things completely between you. Or would it? After all, what happens in Vegas…

       Jaime couldn't imagine why the two of you hadn't done this before. The bright lights, the music, the casinos, the drinking. Sure, Jaime would feel it all in the morning, but it was worth it. Especially seeing your smiling face. Jaime loved that. In truth, Jaime loved you. And as far more than his best friend. He couldn't remember a time when you hadn't been in his life and that had recently brought him to the realization that the two of you were positively devoted to one another.

You flashed him a smile as you moved around the dance floor. Jaime had lost count of how many drinks that you’d both had, but it didn’t really matter. You were having fun. Jaime felt the buzz of the alcohol in his system as the night went on. Dance after dance, drink after drink, the world began to spin. When you were both finally ready to leave the club, the world began to blur.

The next morning, Jaime could feel his head pounding before he even opened his eyes. He wasn’t at all surprised to discover his hangover was brutal. After all, he wasn’t in his early twenties anymore. He groaned softly and tried to decide whether or not he wanted to go back to sleep. Before he could fully make up his mind, he heard a groan coming from someone else. His eyes flew open and he sat up far too quickly. Jaime breathed a sigh of relief to learn he was in his own room. Another groan. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, just a sec. I’m never drinking with you again, Lannister.” Jaime chuckled and laid back down. He let his eyes fall closed again only to hear a yell from the en suite. Jaime sat up faster than before, moaning at the spinning room. You flew out of the bathroom in a frenzy. Something caught Jaime’s eye.

“Is that my shirt?” You glared for a second. “It looks better on me anyway. But forget about that. We’ve got a BIG problem!” Jaime must have looked confused because you dashed over and jumped on the bed. You grabbed his left hand and showed  him his third finger that now held a glittering ring. You held up your hand that was now sporting a ring of its own as well. 

“I-I think we got married,” you  whispered and Jaime felt himself grow dizzy and not from the hangover this time. He’d married you. Completely by accident as if he hadn’t imagined what a wedding with you would be like for years. And worst of all, you looked completely freaked out. 

“Jaime, focus! What do we do?!” Jaime met your gaze and saw that you were on the verge of a breakdown. He gently ran his hands up and down your arms. “Hey, it’s alright. Let’s try to breathe and then we can make a plan, okay?” You let out a breath and nodded. “Ok. W-What do you wanna do?” you asked. Jaime’s brows furrowed. That was a good question. Before he could reply though, his stomach let out an inhuman noise. It broke whatever tension there was as you began to laugh. 

“Maybe we should eat before we make any kind of decision,” you suggested and Jaime eagerly agreed. The two of you ate in near silence as you both suffered through your headaches and you tried to come up with a plan. Once you’d finished, you pushed your dishes away and turned back to Jaime. 

“Jaime, what do we do here?” Jaime stared for a moment. “I don’t know, Y/N,” he finally said, “This isn’t how I planned for this kind of thing to happen. I mean, Vegas wasn’t exactly the wedding destination I had in mind-”

“WAIT!” you cried, only to let out a painful moan before trying again, “Wait, you planned for this? I mean, you planned on marrying me?” Jaime froze. The thing about Jaime was that, on the rare occasion that he did get drunk and subsequently hungover, he didn’t know when to stop talking. He absolutely had not meant to tell you any of his feelings.

“I mean, I-” he cursed under his breath. You waited patiently for him to get himself together. You knew that if you tried to intervene, Jaime would grow even more embarrassed. Jaime met your gaze and sighed. “Yes. I-I don’t know when my feelings for you changed, but they did. I love you, Y/N. I was just too…afraid to tell you, I guess.” 

You didn’t respond and that scared him. You always had a reply for everything. “Y/N, I promise, no matter what you say, it won’t change the fact that you’re my best friend,” Jaime pleaded, “But please say something. Anything.” You blinked a few times. “You love me. Like really love me.” Jaime nodded even though it wasn’t a question and you began chuckling softly. 

“I guess we’re both idiots then because I love you too, Jaime. I know this wasn’t the plan for our Vegan trip, but I can’t say I’m entirely upset. I freaked because I thought you’d be upset.” Jaime grabbed your hand in his left one, feeling the cool metal of your ring against his fingers. “I’m not. I swear, I’m not.” You smiled at him. “So, what do we do?”

“The way I see it, we have three options. One; we get an annulment and forget this ever happened.” You frowned at that so Jaime continued, “Two; we throw a huge wedding and invite everyone we’ve ever known and get caught up in the crazy thing. Or three; we enjoy our last few days in Vegas and then tell everyone we eloped when we get back and enjoy the looks on their faces.” You laughed out loud at that. 

“I like option three.” Jaime pulled you to him and kissed your temple. “Me too. So, what shall we newlyweds do for our last few days of holiday?” You rolled your eyes, but grinned. “I could think of a few things.” Jaime didn’t even need to ask what you meant when you pressed your lips to his in your first (sober) kiss as spouses.

(a/n: I hope you like it!!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @line-viper @frozenhuntress67 @etherealpotter @smalltownbigheart @gruffle1 @cd1242 @supernatural4life2022 @asgards-princess-of-mischief

Jaime Lannister Tags: @faith-in-dean @bellarkeselection

[fictionalmenxyn]

Artistic Problems,

Ghost x artist!s/o

Tw:mental breakdown, swearing, hyperventilating, panic attack and I believe that’s it.

—————————————————————

Sitting at your desk, you had been drawing for an ungodly amount of hours. This project meant a lot for you as it was your finale piece for a big project you had going on. You were adding as much detail as possible, you wanted this to look thee best it could.

Sitting in many different positions as possible on one small chair didn’t help your back either. With thee amount of time put into this also caused back pain, but you didn’t care as you wanted to get this piece of art done and to make it look perfect.

Ghost, he was sat downstairs watching tv. He liked what you two called ‘quiet time’ because he is a quiet person and likes some time to himself. So it was perfect almost. He’d come and bring you some drinks or snacks and compliment your art every time he came to see you. He was slightly worried for you, it was almost midnight. He noticed you hadn’t had any breaks from your project, it was like never coming up for air if you were swimming.

He was watching tv, but all of a sudden the tv flickered off and so did the lights through the house. He raised an eyebrow but quickly whipped his head around to look at the living room door; as he heard you almost scream at the top of your lungs. He knew something was wrong.

Running upstairs, he went to your office and opened the door. Seeing your figure standing, looking down at the what once was your finale project. He reached in his pocket to grab his phone. Pulling his phone out he quickly turned the flash on. You turned around and said “Simon… what happened?!” He spoke “I think the powers been cut off, I think the whole street has too?”

You started to feel tears stream down your face. You started to panic, feeling a wave of different emotions coming over you. Ghost asked “love you alright?” He started to walk over to you and then you snapped “no, course not. My art has been deleted cause of the fucking internet!” Ghost was quite shocked at your reaction. He never thought you’d switch like this, your usually calm and collected; but when it comes to stuff like this it’s something different.

You battered your eyelashes in shock and mumbled “I’ve lost it all, Si” you looked at the ground and felt slightly dizzy. Ghost noticed and said “come on, love. Let’s go sit down on the bed and I’ll get you some water.” You cried “I spent so much time on that project. It’s all gone now, none of it would’ve saved. It’s so fucking annoying” he placed his arm gently around your shoulder and guided you to your chewed room.

Sitting on the bed, you scrunched yourself up into a hall. Knees to your chest as you cried to yourself. Ghost walked into the room, he saw your hands with fists full of your hair as you scrunched your hands in your hair. You were angry, why did the power have to go out today? Why not tomorrow or next week?

He watched as your knuckles went white, he slowly walked over and sat on the bed. He placed a hand on your back. He spoke softly “love, I have some water and biscuits for you.” You looked up he noticed your eyes now turned red from all your tears. He handed you the water as that’s what you wanted, you took a few sips and handed it back. The short time of silence was now over when you spoke “why did it have to happen today?” He shrugged and said “maybe the weather?” You said “or just my luck, I always have bad luck” Ghost spoke “do you still remember what your project looked like?” You nodded as you rested against Ghost. He offered an idea “maybe you could quickly sketch it down before you forget it ?” You smiled a little as you looked up to him and you spoke “thank you, I see your trying to help me. Sorry for snapping at you earlier it’s just-” Ghost cut you off “no need to apologise, I can understand how frustrating it is when you plan something and it all goes wrong.” You hugged him and said “thanks for understanding.” He asked “would you like me to get your sketch book?” You nodded and spoke “please, I’ll sketch it out then.” He nodded as he left.

Coming back he saw you had now changed and were under the cover. You lifted the cover up so he could come and sit next to you. You grabbed the pencil and sketch book for him and started straight away. As Ghost got comfortable, he started to watch you sketch away. It was mesmerising to him, how easy it looked when you drew. But when he would attempt all he would end up drawing was a stick figure with a skull face.

As you were finished, you flipped the page over and started to draw something else. As Ghost watched carefully he noticed it was something quite familiar. Turns out you were drawing his mask, but you added a twist to it so it would look more of your style. He muttered “should get you one like that” you smiled and replied “that’d be nice, we’d match.” He nodded in agreement.

Ghost does whatever he can do in order to make you happy or calm. When your stressed out it makes him almost feel the same way. So he does his best to make you, you again. He smiled when he watched you draw as he knows it’s your passion. He just loves you too much to watch you be stressed or upset, it makes his heart break at times. But no matter what he’ll love you.

Hope you enjoyed!

Make sure to message/ask if you want

Have a good day/night!🫶

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [31]

chapter thirty-one, act four: somebody else

masterlist

little Author's note /TW before this act begins. There's going to be alot of talk of drug use and addiction within the chapters coming, if you're not comfortable with these kinds of things please don't read.

August 29th 2016

George’s brows raise as he watches Tommie do what can only be described as a march, door swinging open, no greeting as she starts lifting scattered papers and books from the coffee table.

“What are you doing?”

“My book, I can’t find it.”

“Adam cleaned last night, it might be in one of the draws.”

She goes over there quickly, head pressed to her shoulder holding her ringing phone, “Hey.”

“Yeah, hey, Pheebs, did I leave my notebook there?”

She can hear the singer get up and look around, “Uh, can’t see it, I’ll have a good look and let you know.”

“Alright, thanks. See you later.”

She huffs and goes back to making a mess. She'll definitely have a breakdown about later that day.

George sighs slowly, petting Button who’s now sitting at his feet, watching her move around like a tornado before he gets to his feet, “What does it look like?”

“It’s the brown one I always have. Leather, got flowers drawn on it, some other shit.”

He nods and they spend around an hour tearing the place apart together for it, “I had a song… a good fucking song, G, I can’t find it.”

“Where’d you have it last?”

He knows there’s no point in asking, her memories not the best as it is, she’s always misplacing things. But that book, she always had it in her hand no matter where they were.

“Um… here, I think… no, Phoebe’s, I let her use some lines for a song she’s working on…”

She shakes her head, “No… no…”

“I’ll run up to Jamie’s office, tell him to send out an email in case someone’s picked it up by accident.” George promises, grabbing his keycard to get into the elevator.

“I had ideas, G, good fucking ideas. That book is my life.”

“We’ll find it, relax.”

“No, no,” She shakes her head, “I had a song, a song for the album.” 

“What’s it called?” He asks, looking through the computer files but she waves a hand, an indication she hadn't done anything besides write the lyrics.

“Baby Teeth.” 

He giggles, “Baby Teeth?”

“Matty named a song Ugh, you didn’t say anything about that.”

He closes his mouth quickly, raising his hands in surrender. “I remember some of it, but, my heads a mess, everyone knows that, Memories shit-”

“Your heads not a mess, you’re fine, look, we all misplace things. It’s here somewhere, we’ll find it.”

…They didn’t find it.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

October 15th 2016

The ringing stops, she smiles, “Hey, Cal-”

“You’ve reached… Caleb Kidwall… leave a message after the tone….”

She sighs “Uh, Hey, Cal, we’re gonna be back in LA in two days, on Jimmy Kimmel, for the first time. Uh, I don’t know I just miss you, haven't seen you since you started working on that single, call me back so we can meet up.”

She shoves the phone into her back pocket before sitting from the bench in San Diego, tugging on Button’s lead, the dog jumping onto Allen’s- Matty’s new dog- back.

Matty giggles, pulling her off and tickling her belly, “Leave your brother alone or I’ll tell on you.”

Button rolls onto her back, reaching one paw out to hit Allen, the puppy tackling her in response.

Only when the two dogs hear the familiar laugh of the redhead do they abandon the brunette to jump all over her.

“Twats.”

She laughs, raising a brow as she stands to her full height again, “Come on, we promised we’d only be an hour we’ve been gone for four.”

“Can’t start the show without us anyway.” He shrugs.

She loops her arm with his as they walk towards the big unmissable bus parked outside the venue. Their dogs, one brunette and one redhead, walking just in front of them.

Tommie laughs, remembering something Grimmy, a good friend of theirs, once said, “What?”

“Remember when we helped host BBC Breakfast with Grimmy?”

“Yeah?”

“He said something about dogs that look like their owners and whatever. I said no at the time.” She shrugs then gestures to Allen and Button.

They’re walking as close as their owners, bodies pressed up against each other, not even parting when a lampost comes their way. (Allen, the poor little boy gets hit in the face as Button refuses to move over on the pavement for him).

The dog shakes his head and Tommie is leaning down to pat his head and kiss his nose as Matty watches the bus door open with a creak.

“Three. Two… One…”

“You two!”

Jamie huffs as he steps out the bus, “You were supposed to be back two hours ago.”

“Sorry, my fault.” Matty says, “I forgot poo bags so we had to go around the world finding a place that did them.”

Jamie shakes his head, “We did sound check without you both, if your vocals sound shit it's your fault.”

Matty nods, “Noted.”

They go back into the bus, changing into their show outfits, the usual skinny jeans and a plain top for Matty.

Tommie decides on some of her flared blue jeans with a white tank top and then a dark blue jumper over it.

Tommie hears a familiar voice outside and pushes her dyed hair over her shoulder as she leaves the bathroom.

“Hey, Gabs.”

Gabby gets up to hug her, “Thought you weren’t joining until the last few shows.”

She shrugs, “Got tired of hearing Matty whining so I came early.”

The two girls link arms as they pass the guys, Matty’s eyes following them carefully as they exit the bus.

“You saved the rest of us, I owe you for life.”

They giggle walking on into the venue, past the fans who scream for the guys to sign something or take photos which they all stop to do.

“Matty says you’re working on a new book.”

Tommie glances back at the closed door, “That’s supposed to be a secret. God knows why I trusted telling him of all people.”

“Can I read it? Is it poetry? Or like, an actual smart book?”

“Poetry, and some other things.”

“Other things?”

She shrugs, “Like old songs I’ve written but could never put out.”

“Why not? Is Matty still on his egotistical ‘I’m the writer of the band’ wave”

She puts on a terrible English accent that sounds more like one of the Gallagher brothers than Matty. But it still has Tommie giggling away as she shakes her head, “No, no. I mean, he’s always egotistical, it’s just songs I’ve written that are too personal to me. You know, last minute I pulled out from giving them to George.”

“You shouldn’t pull out, I mean, I’ve read your writing, listened to the songs you’ve written. They’re also amazing.”

“Maybe they are,” Tommie shrugs, “I’m just still not ready to show myself completely to the world.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

October 17th 2016

“Hey, Cal, in LA now… uh, give me a call if you’re free tonight.”

She sighs, putting the phone back down as she leaves the bus to meet the others in the venue.

“You okay?”

She nods with a smile accepting Adam’s hand as the pair walk on in to find the other guys.

Only they pause and share a glance when they enter. Ross is sitting with his legs crossed as he looks away, George sitting opposite him on the coffee table, suddenly taking an interest in his drum sticks.

Matty, throws his phone and flops onto the settee making them raise their brows in sync.

“That was weird.” Ross practically shouts, “You’re so in tune, do it again.”

“What’s going on?”

“What have you done?”

Matty sits up with a scoff, “What have we done? Haven’t done nothing.” He shakes his head, shrugs, then lies back down. George is still not uttering a word.

Adam steps closer, “I swear, what have you guys done?”

There’s a knock on the door behind them and as Adam tries to get the answer out of them Tommie turns without looking, reaching behind her to open the door and let Jamie in.

“Why you always blaming me? Why does it have to be me that's done something?” Matty asks.

“Probably is you-”

“Well you’ve always been the trouble causer in this group, Matty.”

Both Adam and Tommie pause, the latter spinning quickly with a grin. “Nan!”

She smiles, wrapping her arms around her nan and swaying them side to side, breaking apart to grip her grandfather when she sees him roll his eyes, “Alright, Bean, no cwtch for me?”

“What are you doing here? What happened to travelling Europe?”

Adam’s moving to hug them both too, smiling up at their grandparents, “Decided it was time for a break. Time to come home.”

Thomas wraps his arm around Tommie’s shoulders. It’s no secret she’s the favourite as he did raise her.

Thomas is a tall man unlike the rest of the family, that’s where Adam gets it from. Not only did Tommie inherit his ginger hair (that he once had) she also developed his love for all things music.

When Tommie was born, and he was staring down at the little baby in the hospital bed with his daughter, he decided to quit the fire service, well, that’s what he said but he found himself there at least twice a week.

With her mother working and then out, no stable father figure and her nan working up until retirement age, Tommie took to looking up to her grandfather the most.

That’s where she got her nickname, everyone called her Tommy junior as a kid from the amount of time they spent together. 

“Time to come home?”

They nod, “We’ve bought a house back in Wales again, we’ve had four years of adventures now. That’s enough for us. We miss you.”

She smiles hugging her nan again, “I missed you as well.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

Tommie grins as she opens the door, “Cal! Cal!”

She runs in, pausing at a blonde head that sleeps on the sofa, her brows furrow and she yelps as a hand touches her shoulder.

Caleb chuckles quietly, “Sorry, babe, didn’t mean to scare you.” He whispers, pulling her along to his room.

“Who’s that?”

“Emma.”

She hums, not knowing what else to do and Claeb senses her hesitation, “Uh, her fiance- some things have happened, Mitch offered her to stay here with us while she figures stuff out. She needs a break.”

Tommie nods, “That’s kind of him.”

Caleb nods and chuckles, “You know, I always thought he was in love with her when we were kids.”

Tommie pauses but doesn’t say anything, “Uh, how’s the single coming along?”

“It’s coming, we’re taking our time with this one, you know?”

She nods, “Same with us and our first album.”

“How was the show? Sorry I didn’t answer your call, I was at the studio, left my phone there, Shane brought it back for me.”

She shrugs, “It was okay, uh, my grandparents are here.”

“Here?”

She hums, “Yeah, they flew out to surprise me and Adam, they’re staying with us for a few shows.”

He smiles, “That’s great, have they seen you perform before?”

“Once, when we first started out, we did a gig in this place in Cardiff, The Brewhouse, I took you there before, remember?”

“The one with uh… the spiral stairs?”

She shakes her head, “No, the one across the road from that one.”

“Ah, yeah, had that Kelly guy you like on the wall right?”

“Kelly Jones, yeah.”

He nods, “I remember, that place was cute.”

Tommie approaches the subject carefully, watching him as he opens a drawer and pulls some clothes out, setting them aside for her to change into for bed.

“Do you uh… maybe want to meet them?”

He pauses in folding the t-shirt and turns to look at her over his shoulder, “Me?”

“No, Callum besides you.” She says sarcastically and he rolls his eyes affectionately with a smile on his face.

He sits on the edge of the bed, holding his hands out for her to take, “You want me to meet them?”

“We’ve been together for two years now, think it's time you meet the people who raised me, don’t you?”

He shrugs and leans forward, forehead resting against her chest, “I don’t know, I mean… look how the last time went.”

She winces, running her hands through his hair. He’s grown it out, it’s not quite Matty length but still long, almost reaching his shoulders. A big fluffy ball on top of his head.

She sighs, leaning down to kiss his head, “Please?”

“Can we take a rain check?” He asks looking up, resting his chin on the spot his forehead was on.

She forces a smile, cheeks awkwardly pulling upwards, “Sure.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[gnrbitch]

Buddy’s Rendezvous Pt2!

SlashxY/n!

warnings: profanity! Angst & fluff

I only put the lyrics that stood out to me, but I recommend listening to the song i mentioned… just for the full experience ;)

———

1990

Y/n sighed as she walked into the entrance of her apartment, stopping by her little mail box with her room number on it.

When she opened it, she was surprised to see a little box in there, grabbing it, she read the messy writing on top.

‘To: Y/n Y/l, From: S. Hudson’

Her stomach churned. There was only one S. Hudson she knew, and that was Slash.

As Y/n gripped the box and rush towards her room, her mind was flooded with thoughts of him.

Why would he send her something now, after four years since he left her? Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe there’s some other S. Hudson that she forgot about. I mean they hadn’t spoken since that day in her apartment, so why would it be him? But if it was, what the fuck could be in the box? Maybe he was sending back the love letters she had written for him. She felt sick at the thought.

Y/n shakily opened the door to her apartment, quickly setting down her bag and sitting down on her couch, setting the box down on the coffee table that was in front of it.

Y/n took a moment to remember about how fucken heartbroken she was once she could grasp what Slash had done. Crying so hard she felt as if her body was falling apart. And it was, Slash was her other half, she truly lost apart of her, and even if it got better through time, how can you really heal of you see the face of your other half everywhere?

She took a deep breath in, closing her eyes, trying to prepare herself for whatever was in the box, and trying not to burst into tears, for all her feelings towards the man were resurfacing.

She finally gained the courage to pick the box up and open in, finding a folded piece of paper and a music tape in it.

She opened up the letter, inhaling as she so clearly recognized his writing.

“Y/n,

I wrote this song thinking about you, and that night we last saw each other. And I know it’s been so long, but since this song is for you, I thought you should be the first to hear it. I know this is fucked up of me to say, but if you want to talk i’ll be at Canters on Friday at 8pm, im hoping that i could see you, even if it’s the last time i do.

Slash”

Y/n felt tears in her eyes as she read this, shakily picking up the tape with her other hand.

Written across the tape was the title of the song, ‘Don’t cry’. Y/n got up from where she was sitting, frantically looking around for her tape player.

The shaken girl put the tape in, closely listening to the lyrics, and to the guitar solo, knowing Slash always put his emotions in them.

“I know how you feel inside i’ve, i’ve been there before”

“I’ll still be thinkin of you, and the time we had, baby”

“And don’t you cry tonight, I still love you baby”

“And please remember that I never lied, and please remember, how I felt inside now honey.”

“Don’t you cry, tonight”

Y/n had her hands in her head as the song ended, crying her eyes out as she thought about Slash. She would have never expected him to write something like this.

And the song… the song was beautiful, making her cry harder as she thought about Slash writing it for her.

She replayed the song a few more times, and after calming down from her breakdown, she decided she had to go see him.

She washed her reddened face, not being able to stop the few tears from falling from her face, and after changing into her pajamas, she fell asleep thinking about the man who broke her heart.

————

Friday

To say Slash was nervous was an understatement, he was freaking the fuck out as he waited to see if Y/n was even going to show up to Canters.

“You think she’s coming?” He asked Marc, who had just stopped by to see how his friend was doing. Considering it had been 10 minutes, Marc was losing hope. “I- I don’t know man” he said trying not to frown at Slash. “Have you spoken to her? since you know…” He asked Marc, looking up to him with a nervous face. “No… I mean i’ve tried to talk to her but all i get are short answers. I’ve seen her around though” Marc said sighing. “How does she look?” Slash asked concerningly. “Different”

And before Slash could ask if Marc meant that in a good or bad way, the door bell rang and the two of them whipped their heads towards the door.

The girl that stood there was almost unrecognizable to Slash, jet black hair in a cut that almost reminded him of Izzy, but it was much longer than his friends.

She also looked… thinner, as Marc guided her to where Slash was sitting, he noticed how her face had slightly sunken in. And there was just a sad aura around her.

But my god, she was still so beautiful. Even if he was taken aback by how different she looked, he felt as if he had heart eyes, just like the first time he saw her.

She sat across from him, both of them looking at each other with such an intense gaze.

Marc quickly left, not even bothering to ask if they wanted something to drink, the air was too thick.

But there wasn’t any anger in the air, only the tension of unspoken words, heartbreak, and time.

Y/n was the first to speak up, feeling uncomfortable with the silence that surrounded them.

“Hey Slash”

Slash stared at her, clearing his throat before speaking

“I didn’t think you were gonna come”

“Why?”

“I-I don’t know” He said, feeling a pit in his stomach

“I knew I was gonna come see you as soon as I listened to the tape” Y/n said, speaking softly.

“I meant everything I said in the song”

“I know”

“When- when we were writing music for the new record, I watched the guys write songs about their girlfriends” Slash rambled

“And as I sat there trying to write a song about something, all I could think about was you” He said, holding eye contact with her.

Y/n tried to speak, being able to slightly open her mouth, only for Slash to speak up again.

“This rockstar shit isn’t filling the void Y/n, I thought that if i kept doping myself up and drinking I would be able to forget about you. I wanted to be able to stay away from you, but I can’t Y/n. I’ve missed you everyday for these past four years. I might be a rockstar to the world, but without you i’m nothing.” He said, now looking down at the table.

Y/n grabbed the hand he had left on the table, making Slash’s heart go a thousand miles per minute.

“I love you” She quietly said, tears falling from her eyes. “And I understand why you felt the need to leave me”. Slash nodded his head, whispering a small “I love you too”.

“That song, it means a lot to me Slash” “I know you’re not the best with words” Y/n said giving a slight smile, which Slash gladly recovered. “Your not nothing without me” She licked her lips “But i get it when you say that, cause you’re my other half Slash”

They both were waiting for either of them to bring up the chance of getting back together, Slash now gripping Y/ns hands, being afraid to let go.

“Are you clean?” She asked him

“Yea- I’ve been clean for four months now” He said, eyes showing a glint of hope.

“That’s good Slash. That’s really good” She smiled at him, now both sitting closer to each other.

“And you?” He said, suddenly remembering he hadn’t asked her how she had been “How are you Y/n”

Y/n gave him a small smile, “I’m alright, I had the time to feel better”

“Yea” He said sadly

“Don’t give me that look” She said, now a sad look on her face.

“Sorry” He quickly said, looking down

“Slash, look at me” She said quietly “Four years, that was a long time no? Life went on, it wasn’t the same, but it went on” She said, looking at Slash nod at her.

All the hope Slash was feeling was obliterated. She really needed to stop confusing him.

“Maybe we needed that time apart” She said looking into his eyes. “Maybe, this is our chance to start over.”

“Would you want that?” He said, swallowing for no reason, his mouth was like a desert, but his eyes tearful.

“If you’re willing to try” She said looking down at his lips.

“I’m willing to do anything for you” Slash said, licking his lips as he noticed Y/ns eyes on them.

They both looked at each other in the eyes, simultaneously leaning in.

And they kissed.

“I love you Y/n”

“I love you too Slash”

————

Here’s part 2!!! hope you guys enjoyed 😘

Gonna write an Izzy fic soon 😋😋

Tagged: @somedays-i-just-feel-bad-bitch

[tomurasmoleunderhislip]

~League of villains members as things I said/done/whatever~

Y'all will think I'm messed up but oh well

Tomura: "yawned whole time and ate chips in front of psychologist while sitting next to best friend that was low key nervous and anxious (I was with best friend for support @wholelottawidows thas you dawg 💀), offered psychologist chips and later when I ate whole bag, I licked my fingers in front of both of them and picked my ear when psychologist wasn't watching."

+

"Drank like 3-4 mugs of coffee and monster energy drink in one day but still fell asleep anyway"

+

"What's the point of all these hard work if we will all die either way, sooner or later?"

+

"When having breakdown, I remember something funny and stupid which makes me burst into laughter and forget what I was crying so violently about"

Dabi: "I'll start working out this summer, just to be able to fist fight and beat up our dads one day"

+

"chased sibling with knife around house it was a joke just to scare him don't worry no one got hurt lol"

+

"Life is short make it shorter"

+

"Made my younger step sibling hit step father in the head few times with something"

+

"Damn this headache fucking me in brain really hard now"

+

"It is what it is (I would say that after I fucked up something 💀)"

Toga: "Slept with knife under my pillow few times"

+

"have one stabbed pillow on bed which is covered with old t shirt"

+

"when I was a child I used to bring dead hedgehogs and mouses to my mother saying: Look at this poor kitty mom, let's help it!!! While the fucking animals were flattened like pancake and were literally full of ants and flies"

+

"Tried to snatch a street kitten once but failed and gave up"

Spinner: "Tried to eat cigarettes and rocks I found on ground as kid"

+

"I know I'm atheist and don't believe in that shit, but you hoes need Jesus"

+

"one time i ran through a swarm of tiny flies and my mouth was opened since I was gasping for air because of running and some of these tinyass flies got into my mouth accidentally I could feel them in my throat and gave up from trying to spit damn bug out so I swallowed it 💀"

+

"Who needs bitches when you have perfect sandwich"

Twice: "-Why is your nails painted pink? I mean you are mostly dressed in black it's surprising.

- Because I'm fucking fabulous"

+

"Smoked one or two times my whole pack of cigarettes and than my best friend's whole pack of cigarettes in one day (dw she gave me it I didn't just stole it and smoked it without her permission and I'm not heavy smoker now 👍💀👍)"

+

"Feels confident and looks at mirror whole time thinking how good I look, than after 30 minutes look at myself in mirror and either cry or laugh saying how dumb I look"

+

"accidentally choked on my own spit few times"

+

"Tried to help my best friend to get up one time because she fell but right when I got closer to her I tripped and fell as well"

Magne: "cold & badass women are daddies and cold & badass men are babygirls and pretty princesses"

+

"Bullies my siblings but when someone else does it I go protective mode like: "I'm the only one that can bully this dumbasses"

Mr Compress and Kurogiri:

"I can't stand you bitches so I'm cutting my legs off"

+

"Smacks siblings hand/head when they touch something they're not supposed to or something that's dangerous for them"

+

"one time while I was making coffee, my younger brother came to me to bother me and annoy me out of boredom, so I told him to go away. He did go away but not really far away, he stood at one line of kitchen floor half of meter away from me, I saw what was he trying to do he was trying to provoke me so I was like: If you want to provoke me at least do it fucking right you idiot

And I grabbed him and pulled him with me as I stepped on the actual ending line of kitchen floor and left him there as I went back to making coffee for myself"

~We gotta go baba now ~

I apologize to all people that I told earlier I'm going to sleep, sorry y'all but this idea farted up on my mind and I had to write it immediately so that I don't forget it 😍😍😍

Got a lil distracted 😔😔😔😔

(I hope people won't unfollow me bc of this💀💀💀)

[fkinavocado]

okay...my unfortunate dating app stories...

after my divorce i joined an app, i don't remember which one. i met a few of the guys who just wanted hookups, which i expected. then i started talking to this other guy who seemed sweet but he was already like ready to make us a couple before we even met. it kinda freaked me out so i ghosted him and deleted the app. i felt bad because i hate having it done to me, but i think i just wasn't ready yet. a few months later i joined another, i think it was okcupid. i started talking to three guys, all younger. one of them lived nearby, the other two on the other side of the city. i met the first one, he was cute and we hit it off, then he ghosted me the next day when we were supposed to get together again. he'd blocked my number and everything. second guy i think was just a fake who was having fun flirting and pretending. i never met him. third guy i hooked up with several times. but i should have noticed the red flags from the beginning. he claimed he had a female roommate who had horrible anxiety around new people, so i had to come over when she was at work. his bathroom was full of female stuff like makeup, etc. he claimed she didn't have a phone. the first night we went to a motel and he said he had to get home because his roommate was home and freaking out about something. i asked how she could text him without a phone and he laughed and said she used facebook on her computer. over time, i told him i was fine with meeting her, i wasn't gonna bite or anything. then it finally dawned on me that she was not just his roommate lol. i felt so dumb. but it wasn't until he broke it off with me. like i knew, but i didn't wanna admit it, you know?

months later i heard from the first guy again. he told me he had this crazy ex gf who saw our interaction and was threatening him and to kill herself or some shit. but that he finally got rid of her and wanted to see me again. i gave him another chance like a dummy and he ghosted me again. i think he was just having fun playing games.

so a year or so later, i finally got up the nerve to try a third app, hinge. i started talking to this guy who messaged me first. we talked for a while and he said he was from london but had been living in my city since before the pandemic and was currently in la on business. we made plans to meet up when he got back. but he kept pushing back the date of his return. this went on for a couple months until he sent me a "new" pic that had the name of his business in the background. i googled it and it was a company that he supposedly owned, or at least the man he claimed to be owned. but it didn't add up because the guy he claimed to be still lived in the UK. i found his instagram, his website, and even some youtube videos. this guy had never lived in the US. in fact, he had gone to a wedding which he had a video of on his instagram. i called him out on it, saying he couldn't be at two places at once. long ass story short, this guy owned up to it, but would never tell me who he really was. no surprise. he even had the nerve to keep trying to contact me after all of this shit, so i finally changed my number, my email, and all other personal info. i nearly had a nervous breakdown over it, and lost $400 which i won't get into. let's just say it was the most humiliating experience of my life. i will never do dating apps ever again.

oh lordy lord. girl all of that was such a rollercoaster!!! i absolutely don't blame you, i mean i talked to some weirdos (thankfully found out they were weird before we actually made it to a first date) and then had this one date that was fine, i just wasn't into him in person- and i feel like never giving anyone a chance on these apps again!!! but what you guys are telling me really puts things into perspective! damn. i can't pick which one is the the most traumatizing for me... (just conceptually ofc since i don't know the full story) but i feel like the what must've been married guy would've been the worst one for me :( i'm sorry hun. clearly the one thing all these man had in common was they were pathological liars. you didn't deserve any of that:(

[aparticularbandit]

Of A Fatal Captivity: Day One (III)

Summary: When do they decide that she can’t leave? That they’re going to keep her there no matter what she wants? That’s the day her captivity begins. Is that today?

Some of you will think that this beginning is a gimmick. Up to you! Think what you want! (It’s not a gimmick more than anything else in writing is a gimmick, which is to say, of course, it’s a gimmick, because that’s all writing is, really, isn’t it? A bunch of gimmicks? Some of them more successful than others? Isn’t that why we have tropes? The trappings of a Tragedy to tell us whether that’s really what the story is or not? (Do you know the story you’re in?))

Enough games.

You’re here for something better than that.

Or: Junko Enoshima’s factory reset may or may not be going as planned, and Ryoko Otonashi has plenty of things to say about that. Or will, once she realizes what’s going on.

Chapter Rating: M for graphic imagery. Fic Rating: M for Danganronpa reasons.

TW for descriptions of Kyoko's burn scars and implications of an eating disorder re: Junko.

AO3

previous chapter | next chapter

Book One

Five Six Days Ago.

Day One (of a Cloying Despair).

Kyoko doesn’t ask any questions.

She is aware that this is nothing like her.  In every other conceivable situation – including this one – she would normally be asking questions, listening acutely to everything that’s being said, and drawing her own conclusions, relying on her own supreme sense of intuition.  Something.  But now that ever-present numbness has worked its way into her mind, freezing even that to a crawl.

Maybe at another time, Makoto would be staring at her, too, surprised that she isn’t in full-blown investigation mode with the new presence who has joined them, but he isn’t, too focused on Hina’s body to even fully notice that there’s someone else there.

Chisa says something about collecting everything they want before they need to leave, something about how the others have already done so, and Kyoko’s mind comes back online just enough to mention Byakuya, which causes Makoto’s eyes to widen further and leads him to ask, “What happened to Byakuya?” – but she’s too far gone to answer that, only continues to look at Chisa, who says that his things have also been collected.

Not that Kyoko cares exactly.

I don’t care about that fucking Togami piece of shit.

Kyoko hears the thought as she enters her dorm, as though Junko herself whispers it into her ear, and as she shuts the door, she whispers to herself, “I want a fucking bath.”  Then she chuckles – a small thing that could grow near maniacal, near enough to engulfing her, if she’d let it.  But she doesn’t, suppressing it instead, and feels it quiver through her whole body, causing her to shake as she covers her face with one gloved hand.

This would be more worrying if this minor breakdown didn’t happen in her own dorm, separated from everyone else.

Well.

Separated from Makoto and this Chisa woman, at least.  The other three have all vanished, probably already shuttled away to whatever Chisa used to come and save them.  (They needed saving a long time ago.  Now they’re just remnants of who they once were.)  Of course, Makoto might still be in his room next door, but Kyoko could yell in frustration and he still wouldn’t hear her.  Junko had been oh-so-kind as to soundproof their rooms, after all, and that’s what—

No.

Not Junko.

Their rooms were like that before Junko set up the Games.

Their headmaster must have shown that foresight, given that they were meant to be locked up for an indefinite period of time – perhaps their whole lives – and some people don’t want to be heard when they’re—

Kyoko doesn’t want to think about this.

Doesn’t want to remember.

She holds herself together just long enough to see Ryoko Otonashi’s Memory Notebook resting on her bed, still flipped open to Junko’s notes on the memory modification process, and then snaps.

We put all the pieces in place for you, our dearest knight. You’re my best friend.  I wanted to help. Let’s test it!  You should kiss me! You could have chosen anyone.  Why me? Because I need you. You know, if we do die locked in this old school building, I’m glad I was with you.  It’ll be the best way to die. You won’t die. Stay. Don’t go where I can’t follow. Promise me you’ll come find me. You taste like blood. Behave, and maybe we can forget again. I’d like that.  I’d like that a lot. I really did love you.  I really did.

Kyoko slams her hands down on either side of the notebook and lets out a yell so primal that it rips through her throat, scratches at it, louder and louder, wordless.  When she can’t breathe any longer, she takes another breath in, and then the sound returns, just as loud, just as constant.  She beats against the mattress, over and over, until the notebook falls off, flips onto her boots.  Then she slides down, rests her head on the mattress, and takes deep, heaving breaths.

That should have helped.  It should have cleared her head.  But it didn’t – doesn’t.  She just feels more exhausted than she was before.  Like…like nothing she does matters.  Like—

It doesn’t have anything to do with me.

No.

That’s not it either.

Kyoko’s brow furrows as she reaches for something just out of sight.

Then she remembers.

This has nothing to do with me.

Kyoko’s lips curve into a soft smile, and she reaches out.  Her fingers brush against Ryoko Otonashi’s Memory Notebook, and she grabs it, along with her own.  You’re right, Ryoko, she thinks with bitterness in her heart.  This has nothing to do with me.  She tucks the notebooks into her inside pocket, just next to the not-quite Monokuma plush – forbidden items that no one would want her to have (Junko would want her to have them)—

Then Kyoko looks around the room.  The second mattress, stolen from Junko’s room but unused.  The only thing in her room that makes it look any different from a normal, unused room.  She stares at it, presses her lips together, and then leaves.

Without thinking it through, Kyoko walks to Junko’s dorm.  Maybe someone – Makoto – sees.  Maybe he doesn’t.  Why should she care what he sees, what he thinks?  He just wanted to use her.  Like a pawn.  An extension of his own personal hope.  She’d thought at the beginning that was a bad idea, but she’d trusted him, and look how that turned out.

The same way it always does.

(Junko wanted to use her, too.  Just like a pawn.  An extension of her plan – her hope, if Nagito is to be believed – whatever that is.  She’d known Junko was a bad idea, too, but she’d….)

It’s not like any of that matters anymore, right?

Kyoko flattens her hand on Junko’s door, steadies herself, then pushes the door open and slips inside.  The last time she was here, she’d thought the room was filled from one end to the other with clothes racks, but now – now that she’s slept and her mind is clear and she isn’t on the path to hallucinating – it seems a lot clearer.  Of course, none of Junko’s clothes will fit her; she’s not nearly thin enough.  (Something tells her that no one is truly thin enough for Junko’s clothes, and if they are, it’s not healthy.  Junko wasn’t healthy.  In far more ways than one.)

And yet, here she is, walking through the racks, brushing her fingers along each different fabric.  It’s a fruitless gesture with her gloves on; she can see the differences in texture, but she can’t quite feel any of it.

So she removes one of her gloves.

Kyoko doesn’t look at her hands often.  She doesn’t like to think about Yui the same way she doesn’t like to think about Junko, the same way it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t want to think about her because she’s still always thinking about her but it seems apt to do so now, in the wake of Hina’s death, one that felt so much like seeing Yui die again, like she couldn’t do anything again—

Kyoko removes her glove and stares at her hand, at the burn scars circling her palm, her fingers, her wrist.  They itch.  Her fingernails didn’t grow back correctly, still don’t grow correctly; there are stripes of skin between them from the burns; they aren’t whole.  (Junko tried to paint them once – a bright, glistening red, just like her own nails.  It didn’t go well.  She’d looked foolish.  …but it felt nice to know that beneath her gloves, there was an attempt at beauty.)  She scratches at her scars; it doesn’t help with the glove covering her other hand; she rubs her palm against the rough metallic bits on the back of her other glove, and that helps, but only for a moment.  If she presses too hard, she’ll rub off a layer of skin again, and it’ll just hurt and hurt and hurt.

This was a bad idea.

(The skin might as well be gone again, since she’d moved concrete chunks from Hina’s body the same way she’d tried to remove them from Yui’s, but this time there was no fire around the chunks—)

Kyoko reaches out, closes her eyes, and runs her hand along Junko’s clothes, leaving the fingerprints behind on them that she should have left on—

She grits her teeth.

Swallows.

Focus on something else.

Velvet.  Silk.  Leather.  Feathers.  A lot of different fabrics and, as she opens her eyes, just as many cuts and designs, so many that she can’t name them because she doesn’t know them.  She’s not the Ultimate Fashionista – Junko is (or was) – and she’s never cared about learning anything about this except what Junko told her.  Then her fingers brush against something that feels less like fabric and more like….

What?

Kyoko pulls a garment bag off one of the racks.  It’s zipped closed, but a folded up piece of paper is pinned to the top – a piece of paper with her name on it in Junko’s tiny, bright pink gel pen writing.

Well.

Not exactly her name.

♡ ♡ ♡  Kyokyo  ♡ ♡ ♡

Her first instinct is to scowl.  To groan with annoyance.  Then she sighs and gently unpins the note.  Her thumb runs along the neat, tidy scrawl.  She stares at it, tries not to think, and then slowly unfolds the paper before reading it.

Kyokyo! I thought you might find this! I mean, it was a bit of a shot in the dark.  Really depended on if you still liked me after all of this, you know?  I know, I know, I’m super likeable!  Adorbs, some might say!  You think I’m adorbs, don’t you, Kyokyo? Well.  Maybe you don’t right now.  But you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t!  Puhuhuhuhu!~ Yeah, yeah, roll your eyes at me all you want, but I’m the one who’s gone, right?  So suck it up!  Consider this a last present from your dearly departed! Or consider it a present from the Ultimate Fashionista who is fucking sick and tired of your one fucking look.  You’re not a visual novel character, for crying out loud!  Change your outfit sometime!  UGH. Love you!  Kisses! Junko Enoshima ♡ ♡ ♡ P.S.  Your black gloves are GORGEOUS and everything, but like.  Kyokyo.  Honey.  Babe.  Change them up every now and again!  You’d look a lot cuter if you did, and you’re already the absolute cutest!  (Other than me, of course.)  But you could be so cute that someone could die! P.P.S.  You dropped that black ribbon of yours back in the Trial Room.  Figured I’d get that back for you.  ;)

Kyoko’s eyes widen.  She instantly unzips the garment bag to find Yui’s black ribbon tied to the inside of the hanger, just beneath the edge of the bag.  Her breath catches in her throat.  She tucks the not in her inside pocket with the plush and the two notebooks (it is quite full now, but she doesn’t care).  Then she smooths the ribbon out with her fingertips – all silken and smooth against her skin.

Junko must know.

Before…she must have told her before, even though it’s not something she remembers (yet).

(Or maybe Junko doesn’t know.  Maybe she’s simply a very, very good guesser.)

Kyoko scans the entire outfit, and her eyes widen even more as she takes it in.  It’s…simple.  Far simpler than her normal outfit, as though it’s been streamlined somehow.  Not that she believes the Ultimate Fashionista would craft something streamlined for her.  No, she’s quite certain that if she put these clothes on, they will be tailor fit just for her.  The blazer, the skirt, the white shirt that is just her style – and then the shirt under it, the one with the additional note in a slightly more untidy scrawl:  For when you feel brave!  Or just want to show off your inner Fashionista!  Like me!  ;D

More like never, but.  It’s soft.  And it’s beautiful.  So…so maybe.  Eventually.  When she feels a little less—

Kyoko just notices one of the pockets on the inside of the bag and checks it.  Inside are a pair of startlingly white leather gloves.  She rolls her eyes.  White gloves are the least useful kind of glove she could ever wear.  They would pick up every bit of dust and dirt, every speck of blood; they wouldn’t be white for very long at all.  She can’t understand how Junko would be so…so foolish.

Still.

Again without thinking about it, Kyoko replaces the glove she’d removed with one of the white ones.  It’s snug, a little tight even, just the way it should be.  She flexes her fingers.  If the rest of the clothes fit anything like this glove does, then…then….

Kyoko presses her lips together.  She zips the bag back up, folds it over her arm, and then stares down at her mismatched white and black gloves.  For her, they’re on the wrong hands, but for everyone else?

Puhuhuhuhu!~

She should care, maybe.

She doesn’t.

~

When Kyoko gets back, Chisa leads her onto a helicopter – one that hasn’t quite landed in the wreckage the mecha Monokuma left behind.  The others are waiting for her; Makoto is still shell-shocked from seeing Hina’s corpse, his eyes wide and unfocused, and whenever he glances up, he catches sight of Byakuya’s unconscious body strapped to a medical bed, the top of his head wrapped with gauze, and then squeezes his eyes shut and looks away.  He probably thinks this is his fault, just as much as a part of Kyoko wants to think it’s her fault.

But it isn’t.

It isn’t either of their faults.

Not really.

It’s still Junko’s, isn’t it?  She’s the one who planned all of this.

But thinking that is the easy route.  In all honesty, they’d walked right into Junko’s trap and done exactly what she predicted they would do.  If they’d been able to do otherwise—

Well, then Junko wouldn’t have used them in the first place, would she?

If Junko as an Ultimate Analyst is able to predict everything they can do so accurately, can they do otherwise?  Can they change her plans by guessing at how she expects them to act and doing otherwise?  Or is that just a futile attempt to—

Kyoko hunches over the singular garment bag in her lap, her hands tucked around it and her head hanging.  Her anger and frustration cut through the numbness a little bit, but not enough.  She’s not sure anything will be enough.

(It’s just so much easier to be angry than it is to be numb.)

That said, it isn’t like the trip back is particularly quiet.  For all that Makoto isn’t speaking (abnormal) and Kyoko isn’t speaking (very normal) and Byakuya can’t speak on account of his being passed out (beneficial), Hiro keeps trying to make comments to smooth everything over, and Toko keeps alternating between panicking over her beloved Master and trying to get Hiro to shut up.

Every now and again, Chisa looks back, bright green eyes scanning all of them, but she doesn’t say anything.  Sometimes her gaze lands on Kyoko, flicks down to her mismatched gloves, and then lifts again, as though to meet Kyoko’s, if Kyoko were willing (she isn’t).  Still, she doesn’t say anything, not to any of them, not even to Toko or Hiro.  She says nothing comforting, nothing about wherever it is she’s taking them, nothing about Future Foundation at all.

It strikes Kyoko (when she lets herself think about it, when she lets herself think about anything) that trusting this unknown woman so completely after everything that happened with Junko might have been foolish.  Extremely foolish.  But another part of her thinks that the mirai etched into the door below the hatch might have been meant for Chisa and people like her – mirai, future, etc. – but if so, then surely that Nagito wouldn’t have been there.  If Junko truly played the rest of them like fiddles, why wouldn’t she have planned all of this with him in mind, too?

Kyoko’s fingers tense with the thought – tense and relax, tense and relax.

(If Junko planned for Nagito to find Makoto, then why did she need to put mirai on the door?)

It’s only when the helicopter lands, when those of them still conscious make their way out while an entire team of medics take Byakuya carefully and hurry into the building with him, when Toko starts to run after them that Chisa finally speaks, placing a calm hand on Toko’s shoulder.  “Wait.”

“H-h-how dare you t-t-tell me to wait!”  Toko tries to spin towards Chisa, to point her finger at her with extreme prejudice, but she can’t rip her shoulder out from Chisa’s grip and stumbles instead.  Then she tries to pull away, to force Chisa to let go, but nothing happens.  “H-h-hey!” she says.  “Y-y-you can’t keep me here for…forever!”  She stares after Byakuya’s body as he disappears inside.  “M-Master Byakuya!”  With a sudden oof, she tries to speed off and away again, as though she might drag Chisa with her.

But Chisa’s grip only tightens, and she lifts Toko into the air.  Toko’s legs pinwheel in the air for a few seconds before she gives up and slumps.  “Don’t worry,” Chisa says.  “You can see him later.  Right now, it will be a better use of your time – and his – for you to see your new room.”

“New room?” Hiro echoes.  “Yeah!  Man, it’s great to get out of that stupid school!”  He grins.  Looks around.  “So, uh.  What is this place?  This, like, your headquarters or something?”

“Or something.”  Chisa smiles warmly.  She continues to carry Toko by the scruff of her neck and leads them inside.  “We thought it might be nice to give you time to chill out for a bit.”  She walks down one of the hallways.  “Decompress.  Adjust to….”  Then she sighs and gestures with her free hand.  “Everything.  The Tragedy’s been a lot, and you…you had to get it all at once.”  She stops in the middle of a hallway that looks near identical to the one at Hope’s Peak, only with fewer doors and more space between them.  “This is a safe space.”  She turns back to them with a smile, but her glance flicks down to Kyoko’s gloves once more before returning to their faces.  “We couldn’t see anything that happened since Makoto’s death, but….”  Her lips curve into a soothing smile.  “Looks like you aren’t exactly dead, are you?”

Makoto’s gaze drops, his face flushed with darkness.  “It’s a….”  He doesn’t look up.  “It’s a long story.”

“And Junko’s gone.”

Kyoko’s teeth grit together again, and her hands tighten on the garment bag she’s now slung over one arm.  She forces her voice to calm.  “Is this a safe space, or not?”

Chisa nods, understanding her immediately.  Then she gently sets Toko back on the ground.  “These are your rooms.  Pick whichever one you want.  Mine’s just at the end of the hall.”  Then she nudges Toko.  “Once your room is set up, I’ll take you to the hospital wing.  We can wait on Byakuya there.”  Her gaze sweeps across Hiro, Makoto, and Kyoko.  “The three of you can come, too, if you want.”

Kyoko ignores her, goes to the nearest door, and presses on it.  It’s only once she’s inside that she wonders if it has the same soundproof nature that the dorms at Hope’s Peak did.  Probably not.  Then again, outside of a murdering game (and the possibility of all being stuck there together for the rest of their lives), that sort of thing might not matter.

She sets the garment bag on her bed, stares at it, and then presses her lips together.

Not yet.

[chaoticincompetent]

Thinking about accessibility around neurodivergence in TTRPGs, specifically D&D because that's the main game my group plays...

Here are a few things that help me play better/more easily, as someone with ADHD and possible autism (a very personal, non-exhaustive list!)

Taking Breaks (and Other Self Care)

Self-care is everything. 'Nuff said. End of story.

No Judgement

Being able to say "that RP was intense and everyone was talking at once - I'm going to put the kettle on for a sec" and have everyone understand. Or "can you repeat that again, DM? I promise I was listening but the information just donked off my brain."

Every member of our group has done this at various points - we're only human! (Or tiefling/elf/goblin/whatever).

Taking Notes in Character

Warning: this can lead to burnout if not careful! And may not work for everyone. But if I'm notetaking, it's sometimes easier to stay focused.

Cheat-Sheets / Note-Cards

Character sheets are complex, with tons of dense info.

My current character is lvl12 artificer. She has A LOT of weird stuff/abilities at this stage and I can't remember them all (there's a running joke with the DM that she only wears her clockwork amulet for the aesthetic because I keep forgetting the bloody thing exists), so I made a couple of cards with a brief breakdown of what I can do and tape them near the computer screen.

It's far less intimidating than the full character sheet for quick decisions, and I think I'm playing her much more effectively now.

DM "Nudge"

Whose go even is it? Combat can become chaotic but a quick reminder from the DM about where we are/what the hell is going on is really helpful (and knowing the turn order has a similar effect in helping to plan next moves.)

Everyone says "don't try to be Matt Mercer/Brennan Lee Mulligan etc" which is 100% right. But one thing I LOVE that I've seen Mercer do a lot is this little nudge.

"Barbarian, you're up (Rogue, you'll be next). Barbarian, you're surrounded by wargs and Cleric is unconscious: what do you do?"

It's clear, it's concise, it's a reminder of the character's specific perspective as opposed to the overwhelm of the entire battlefield. I try to do this when I DM (which is only very rarely).

Visual Aids

Mostly, we play remotely on Roll20 or Forge. Occasionally, we've used Owlbear Rodeo projected onto a wall for IRL games.

Life-changing.

I had NO IDEA how much I was struggling with theatre-of-the-mind combat until there was another option (apparently, aphantasia is a thing and "the mind's eye" is not a metaphor. Who knew???)

YES to being able to actually see where everything is!

There are probably a million other things (and I may add to the post as I think of stuff) but these are the ones that come to mind.

Ultimately, it's pretty much all about the good vibes and the friendly support of the rest of the group... with a couple of very minor adjustments where those might be useful.

I'm wondering what helps other players?

[frostmoths]

Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left. 

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me. 

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do. 

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this. 

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone. 

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

[kmze]

My attention span had spread thin by the time of s8 so I barely remember anything except a few sc moments and I'm probably in the minority but I loved loved the first proposal and more than the second one.Your post also reminded me Bonenzo was actually a thing.I don't know why I thought he died in s6.I would love to know though what you think about how different the finale would have been if kevin hadn't returned.

Oh yeah I think when I watched it lived I zoned out on a lot of the plot because I was so tired after S7 and was just happy to get good SC scenes but on rewatch I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of it was that there was so much chaos in S7 with them driving around and different locations and finally in S8 it was basically back to Mystic Falls with all the familiar sets. I liked that it was a new species of villain with the siren and I liked when they used the creepy whistle and I liked the search for the macguffins felt like S1. God Bonenzo lol, I have the most complicated feelings about it because on one hand I'm glad Bonnie got a guy who was completely and totally devoted to her and loved her but Enzo is so... he should have died in S6! And in S8 they give me nothing, just meaningless dialogue and dances.

I actually think the finale would have been pretty similar if Kevin stayed away because Brett Matthews basically said that in his EW podcast breakdown on S8. The writers planned out the whole season once they decided it was going to be Damon dying and they liked the idea of Damon compelling Stefan to let him die, which I agree with that was the only way Stefan would have left him. KW came back around 8x11 and was like Stefan killed Enzo he has to die, which I don't buy. I think what happened is his brain exploded at the idea of Stefan and Elena both being human at the end of the show and not together and basically guilted Julie into changing it. The writers only made Stefan human because they needed the brother who lived to be mortal to do the final scene. And because Stefan was human when KW came in the writers wouldn't feel as strongly about him living as they did prior, plus he was absolutely miserable as a human!

So what I think would have been different in the finale is Damon would have seen Elena in limbo and they would have had a heartfelt goodbye. It would have been a great full circle moment from 1x22 when he said "he came to the town to destroy it" and now he saved it. Stefan still would have offered the Boarding House for the school as part of his atonement and the 'S' would have been the Salvatore one (like in the kitchen) rather than the 'S' on his ring. Damon probably got some memorial wing or the library (not sure Damon knows how to read though). Probably a SE scene at Damon's grave that would have mirrored their meeting at the graveyard in the pilot. Still could have done the Klaus letter, Bonnie's ending would have stayed and I think Elena would have left MF for med school and we'd see some scene of her with her family watching over her maybe with a new guy or not. Stefan would have done the final diary outro and said something about how he lived a long life helping his wife with the school saving kids being the man he was supposed to be and that's the end of his story (FULL CIRCLE AGAIN) then he'd find Damon in peace like the ending scene we got.

Edited to add: Completely forgot to say I LOVE THE 8x02 THE MOST! I mean I do think the 8x14 proposal is one of Stefan's best speeches (it's that or the 6x22 one) and it's beautiful and sincere but that first one was SO THEM! And I'm more partial to their relationship as two vampires/immortals than Stefan ending up human, that was always the root of their relationship and Caroline helped Stefan accept more of his vampire side and here he was proposing to her with eternity being the goal. And I kind of love that people hate on it because they hate that it wasn't a cliche speech and Steroline got a proposal catered exclusively to them, like no other ship on this show could have done that proposal. And the kiss was probably their best kiss.